FRIDAY

1. I subbed in the Primary Classroom and laughed my fool head off at the kids. I asked one three-year-old boy what work he’d be choosing, and he looked at me, threw his hands up and said, “A man can only do so much!!” and walked off. 

2. On the drive home, I stopped through our local town center and saw a limo taking up six parking spots. At first, I was annoyed. Upon further inspection? Hugh Hefner’s limo. I have no idea what it was doing there, but he had to have been lost. 

3. After picking up my kid from school, we cut through a neighborhood and drove into a 40-50 person gang fight happening in the  middle of an intersection. Cops were just showing up about the time I’d flipped the car into reverse. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bug’s newest phrase is, “OH SHIT!”.

4. I went to a wine tasting event with my girlfriend on Friday night. She determined she didn’t feel like being herself, so changed her nametag to her porn name. Misty Zang was freaking hysterical to hang with all night long. My porn name? Not nearly as good. But if you’d like to play along, go with your first pet and the first street you lived on … 

Photo by Bug: 

SATURDAY

1. HDHusband has been at a meeting in Vail since Wednesday. The plan was for Bug and I to drive up, have lunch, then meet him in the afternoon. Instead, we were ten minutes away from Vail and we were alerted that they’d closed the highway because of an accident. We were rerouted, sort of. There wasn’t much direction from anyone, so I followed the traffic and called Fyrchk – in hopes she could give me an address (any address, really) to plug into the GPS. 

The conversation with my Margo, my GPS:

Margo Where Does My Car Go GPS: “At next possible time, please make a U-Turn”

Me: I can’t, Margo. 

Margo: “Please make a U-Turn!”

Me: @#($*@#()$*)(#@*$

I cursed myself for not having a good old-fashioned Road Atlas. I had absolutely no idea where I was going, other than Margo was on my ass about a U-Turn. The roads were snowy. There were patches of ice. I had an upset kid in the background missing his Daddy. I had to pee. And I had really no clue how long it would take or wherever the hell we were really headed. 

And then I channeled my inner ClizBiz and said, “F*ck it! It’s an adventure. We’ll see what happens!”

I followed the cars. I hit “detour” on the GPS, and we had an adventure: 

We drove over the Fremont Pass and the Tennessee Pass. 

There was a sign for the “Climax Mine” and I made a note to giggle about that later, after I was done white-knuckling the drive.

There were falling rocks from the mountain and one barely missed my car.

We saw a lot of cross-country skiers and they were freaking badass. 

The Town of Minturn looks awfully quaint, and if I hadn’t been in a hurry to get to Vail to pee, I would have stopped and looked around. 

In fact, when summer is upon us, we’re going to make that drive as a family. Just not when it’s snowing and treacherous and icky. Amen.

2. Upon arriving in Vail, we met up with HDH. The Bug took great interest in the floor length mirror and checked out his backside, announcing: “MOM! LOOK! I have a black hole back there and it looks like an EYE!”.

3. We had dinner. And all apologies to the restaurant patrons who had to deal with a wound up five-year-old. Too bad for you, but really, too bad for us. 

4. Bed.

SUNDAY

1. Um. I fell down some stairs.

Random Comment of the Day: “I can’t get my top lip!!”